First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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