I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
