i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
please come you make the beer taste better
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
