ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
