Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
