did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize