I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
