Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
