it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
