I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
