dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
