i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
