Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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