I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
