winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
