There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
