Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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