I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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