I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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