saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
