Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
