why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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