i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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