his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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