i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
NoShamevember. You game?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
