I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am one with the molecules
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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