im six kinds of drunk right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
