I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize
