Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
