I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize