Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
