So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Farmville is her only friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
