In America we eat man semen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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