On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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