tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't put those talents on a resume
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
wow bdsm is so cute
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
