i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
birth control should be required to get into college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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