There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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