He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
