you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
