Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
