How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
