Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
