Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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