my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
