apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
