I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
