Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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