It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
