It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
