I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
