just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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