Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
