You just made me feel so damn special
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
