He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
