I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
