I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
