who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
