Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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