Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
