guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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