I am full of burrito and curiosity
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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