she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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