After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
