He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
