Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
