i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize