I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
