forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
