I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
