Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
