Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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