When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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