I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
