Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
