i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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