i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
